FOR SALE

This advertisement goes out to any of you who may be in need of some help around your house. She has whipped my house into tip-top shape and now I am offering her to you.
She is especially good at emptying cupboards (which is handy because, well, let's face it - they probably need to be wiped out anyway). She loves to help empty the dishwasher, whether the dishes are clean or dirty. But wait! Her specialty is unfolding laundry! This is great for when you have some extra time on your hands and just feel like folding laundry twice!
If you are in need of some exercise she can really help to keep you moving by walking backwards towards the stairs (she does this so often it is weird), dancing on the kitchen table, and running into the street.
I know, this is sounding too good to be true. Read on. She also is great at leaving you surprises such as, phones and necklaces in toilets, murals on walls, and kleenex boxes or toilet paper rolls that have been emptied. This last one is especially nice as your home feels and looks lived in... not like one of those magazine living rooms.
Some other attributes you may find helpful. She pulls hair (just a reminder to do it), she bites children which sends them howling to another room, and pinches guests (for those nasty ones who just won't go home.... hand her over!)
Another plus, she can not say any words. She is also very cute and quite hilarious (especially her "mad" face) He thighs are to die for... you cannot help but to squeeze and tickle her. She squints both eyes when you wink at her (adorable). She shows concern for her siblings when they are crying and rubs their heads. Oh, and she can pucker up and give kisses like no other.
.....on second thought, maybe I will keep her.... but she will be available for hire!