I've neglected this here blog. Badly. The crazy thing is I think about it all the time. I'm forever "writing" posts in my head. But never get around to actually posting them. Some days it's due to laziness, most it's due to not having/making the time to do it. But most often it because I don'f feel right about a public post. The posts are about my children and the tough choices they are making each day. Starting middle school has been a whole new world around here and it takes a majority of my energy not to make myself crazy stressing about what it really is that my big kids are thinking, saying, doing and who they are being when I'm not around. They are about my son being asked out by over-zealous girls and my daughter crying herself to sleep at night because of the things her "friends" say about her... to her. They are about my deep, dark feelings of being a failure at everything I try and being ever so, so grateful that there is always a tomorrow to try again, harder and be better. They are about how my baby is four and going to Kindergarten (!) next year and I cannot decide if I'm excited for half a day to myself or terrified to be alone because I'm not sure who I am without kids around. Will I keep myself busy with the usual "around-the-house-stuff" that needs done, will I get back into bed and read my book, or will I stay at the school all day and be "one of those moms who never goes home?" . I know what I want to do..... These posts are about how I struggle and sometimes achieve in myself and in my children the results that I work so hard to see. They are about seeing the growth in my children, my marriage, my children, my life that I want to see but it just never seeming good enough. They include little snippets of things that I learn from my friends, my scriptures, Sunday School. Things that get me through and give me the courage and faith that I need to get through another day. And that provide the joy and happiness that I feel on a daily basis because of how blessed I am in this life. How many many things I have been given to provide me with yes, challenges, but also so much joy that I can hardly comprehend it all.
I guess they are about what I've always blogged about. It just seems that as my kids get older I hesitate to share all of our experiences on the blog. Stories and lessons I'd like to share involve them and I feel it's not my place to post those "on the line" (MamaMia).
I'm going old-school. With paper and pen will I now record. Maybe I'll blog again one day but for now I want to preserve our (and my) stories, heartaches, and lessons learned in a book that will close when I'm done writing.
Most of all I'm sure this new chapter, this new book will contain joy. Because within all of those stories, trials, lessons learned, and yep, even heartaches... will be joy.
Because that's why we're here. To feel joy.
And I want to keep a record of it.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Summer 2012 Top Ten
1. Playing in the Raymond Family Ball Tournament. It's always fun to see all of our Salmon cousins and go to the parade and Aunt June's house for lunch. One of the highlights of our summer every year for sure.
3. We spent a lot of time with friends this summer. We went to the Raymond pool, Park Lake, and Wally's beach numerous times with our friends. It seemed everyday was filled with friends and fun. If I don't need to pack a cooler lunch until next summer, I'd be okay with that. It got old real fast! We are so blessed to have so many great friends so spend our time with.
4.We got most of the things on our Summer Bucket list done. One of them was watch a sunset. Although we ended up seeing many sunsets throughout the summer, we did make a special trip to the park to watch this one on one of the first nights of summer.
9. Dickey Lake. It's amazing. We spent a lot of time there and I have a bajillion pictures.We are so lucky to go there so often.
By the end of summer I was a bit bored of packing lunches and the van to head to the pool or beach. We were all ready for a change and some schedule...... especially me. It was only the last week or so of summer vacation that I looked forward to the kids going back to school.
By the first day, I was ready....
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
in a not-so-perfect world
In a perfect world there would be no sports on Sunday.
There would be nothing happening to take us away from the things we should be doing and feeling.
But I guess that wouldn't work either. Then we'd have nothing to prove. No sacrifices to make.
In a perfect world, Ty would be playing his all time favorite sport. Hockey. He's not. It just does not work for our family. It's too much money, too much time commitment, and too many Sunday's.
But we've found the next best thing. Ball hockey! It runs for three months in the spring. It's twice a week. It is pretty much perfect. A hockey "fix".
To say that Ty loves it and looks forward to this short season would be a gigantic understatement.
This last weekend was the final playoffs. Ty's team made the final. On Saturday they lost in a shoot-out after a heart-wrenching, gut twisting game. The loss made the series 2-2.
The final game was on Sunday.
Last year it was just known that "we don't play hockey on Sunday". There was no questions asked. He just knew he was not going to play and that. was. that.
This year he was desperate to play in the final. He also won an award which was to be presented after the game. On Sunday.
Saturday was a long day of Ty begging and us "just saying no". We reminded him of our reasons for keeping Sunday a holy day. A day of rest. A day devoted to our Father in Heaven and the Savior. One day out of seven.
"But I won't be blessed for keeping the Sabbath day holy if I'm only doing it because you're forcing me to."
He was totally right! (and so old and mature.... seriously, the best kid ever).
I talked to Dan's mom about it. She raised 5 boys. Her advice: "If I could do it again, I'd let my kids choose for themselves". As soon as she said it I knew.
I knew Ty was old enough to choose for himself. Dan and I sat him down Saturday night and told him the choice was his whether he would play the hockey game or not. We layed it on him pretty thick, made sure he knew how we felt, how we'd feel if he chose to play. Talked a lot about free agency and sacrifice and all the things that he already knew. We asked him to pray about it and told him we were confident he'd make the right choice. Dan and I sure prayed hard for him that night too!
In a perfect world, my son would not play hockey on Sunday.
He chose to play.
It was hard for Dan and I. It was hard for him too. As he packed his equipment in the van, and continued getting ready for church, he would not look us in the eye. He listened to the talk in church about grace. He whispered to Dan "why does it feel like he's talking to me?". Dan told him he was talking to him.... maybe this was the answer to his prayer...
After the first two hours of church Ty found Dan and Dan drove him to his hockey game.
They won 7-0. Ty won an award for the most accurate shot. He won $45 in gift certificates for other awards. He got a picture with "the cup".
That evening when we had dinner and it was his turn to tell his best part of the day this is what Ty said:
"I will never choose to play a sport on a Sunday again. It just felt wrong to be there and I know I made the wrong choice."
Maybe it's a perfect world after all........
There would be nothing happening to take us away from the things we should be doing and feeling.
But I guess that wouldn't work either. Then we'd have nothing to prove. No sacrifices to make.
In a perfect world, Ty would be playing his all time favorite sport. Hockey. He's not. It just does not work for our family. It's too much money, too much time commitment, and too many Sunday's.
But we've found the next best thing. Ball hockey! It runs for three months in the spring. It's twice a week. It is pretty much perfect. A hockey "fix".
To say that Ty loves it and looks forward to this short season would be a gigantic understatement.
This last weekend was the final playoffs. Ty's team made the final. On Saturday they lost in a shoot-out after a heart-wrenching, gut twisting game. The loss made the series 2-2.
The final game was on Sunday.
Last year it was just known that "we don't play hockey on Sunday". There was no questions asked. He just knew he was not going to play and that. was. that.
This year he was desperate to play in the final. He also won an award which was to be presented after the game. On Sunday.
Saturday was a long day of Ty begging and us "just saying no". We reminded him of our reasons for keeping Sunday a holy day. A day of rest. A day devoted to our Father in Heaven and the Savior. One day out of seven.
"But I won't be blessed for keeping the Sabbath day holy if I'm only doing it because you're forcing me to."
He was totally right! (and so old and mature.... seriously, the best kid ever).
I talked to Dan's mom about it. She raised 5 boys. Her advice: "If I could do it again, I'd let my kids choose for themselves". As soon as she said it I knew.
I knew Ty was old enough to choose for himself. Dan and I sat him down Saturday night and told him the choice was his whether he would play the hockey game or not. We layed it on him pretty thick, made sure he knew how we felt, how we'd feel if he chose to play. Talked a lot about free agency and sacrifice and all the things that he already knew. We asked him to pray about it and told him we were confident he'd make the right choice. Dan and I sure prayed hard for him that night too!
In a perfect world, my son would not play hockey on Sunday.
He chose to play.
It was hard for Dan and I. It was hard for him too. As he packed his equipment in the van, and continued getting ready for church, he would not look us in the eye. He listened to the talk in church about grace. He whispered to Dan "why does it feel like he's talking to me?". Dan told him he was talking to him.... maybe this was the answer to his prayer...
After the first two hours of church Ty found Dan and Dan drove him to his hockey game.
They won 7-0. Ty won an award for the most accurate shot. He won $45 in gift certificates for other awards. He got a picture with "the cup".
That evening when we had dinner and it was his turn to tell his best part of the day this is what Ty said:
"I will never choose to play a sport on a Sunday again. It just felt wrong to be there and I know I made the wrong choice."
Maybe it's a perfect world after all........
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
almost done
Another year of school almost finished.
Just as quickly (if not more so) as all the others. My eldest headed off to middle school in the fall. My littlest will enjoy her last year at home.
But we've had enough. Enough already!
Why must June be so busy? I think it's worse than December. Actually, it definitely is.
Today I drove the Grade 2's to the swimming pool. Natty and I killed an hour at the library with friends until pick up time, then back to the school to drop off and pick up Paige. As I made my rounds (the school is sort of in a circle) peeking into all of my children's classrooms I decided they have had enough.
And so have I.
I signed them all out in the office book.... avoiding the curious stare of the secretary.
I lied.
I wrote "an appointment" in the reason line.
We all went for lunch.
Then we came home and put on pajamas. We watched two whole movies back to back while it rained and thundered in the background. Natty slept beside me on the couch. We all laughed (and I think most of us cried too).
At four o'clock I got up and cleaned the house and made dinner.
Then it was back to our schedule.
Today was a nice break. But we are almost really done.
Just as quickly (if not more so) as all the others. My eldest headed off to middle school in the fall. My littlest will enjoy her last year at home.
But we've had enough. Enough already!
Why must June be so busy? I think it's worse than December. Actually, it definitely is.
Today I drove the Grade 2's to the swimming pool. Natty and I killed an hour at the library with friends until pick up time, then back to the school to drop off and pick up Paige. As I made my rounds (the school is sort of in a circle) peeking into all of my children's classrooms I decided they have had enough.
And so have I.
I signed them all out in the office book.... avoiding the curious stare of the secretary.
I lied.
I wrote "an appointment" in the reason line.
We all went for lunch.
Then we came home and put on pajamas. We watched two whole movies back to back while it rained and thundered in the background. Natty slept beside me on the couch. We all laughed (and I think most of us cried too).
At four o'clock I got up and cleaned the house and made dinner.
Then it was back to our schedule.
Today was a nice break. But we are almost really done.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Today was near perfect.
Today made up for all the far-from-perfect days we had this week.
Today Dan won the most ties award at church. The kids wrote Father's Day notes on the back. When Dan "read" Natty's (which consisted of a few t's, some o's and x's) he said "to the best looking Dad around" . The look on her face when she believed that's what she had written was priceless.
Today I tried a new recipe for dinner. Chili lime steak salad. It was so, so good. Everybody ate. Then we had pie. Caramel and Banana Cream. It is Father's Day after all.
Today I noticed half way through church that Natty was wearing her crocs. Awesome.
Today we finished off our Summer Bucket list. I decided I'm not going to worry about sending my kids to school for the rest of the year. 8 more days. Of nothing. Seriously. If they want to go (which they mostly will) they can go but no more pressure.
Today I found this quote and loved it.
"It is
not just that the Book of Mormon teaches us truth, though it indeed does that.
It is not just that the Book of Mormon bears testimony of Christ, though it
indeed does that, too. But there is something more. There is a power in the book
which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of
the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the
power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and
narrow path. The scriptures are called “the words of life” (D&C
84:85), and nowhere is that more true than it is of the Book of Mormon. When
you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater
and greater abundance."
Pres. Benson Ensign Nov 1986
Today we happened to come across a Harry Potter movie on t.v. The whole family watched (and some slept) together.
Today I am excited about tomorrow.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Insta-sat
This was minutes after Chelsey came home from her over-night field trip. Total exhaustion = lots and lots of tears. I told her I was taking this picture to the principal to discourage him from allowing these trips. Ha!
My new $10 duvet cover that I scored when I accompanied Crystal up to Calgary. It was a quick trip but wouldn't have been complete without a stop at Ikea!
I went with Kami on her field trip to Picture Butte. It was fun to visit all the old building and learn about how people used to live. Kami especially liked the school house and writing with the pen and ink. The moms overheard the kids talking about how "this was probably what it was like back in 1993"! Pretty funny.
Kami and I went to listen to Chelsey's school choir perform at and with the junior high. It was a great night of great music. Chelsey is the one looking down. Typical.
Paige and I made cookies one afternoon and decided to put them in a huge jar that I was given from Dan's Grandma Salmon. She kept her powdered potatos in it and let me in on her little secret. She used to mix the Christmas Day Dinner potatoes half and half with powdered ones "and nobody even noticed!". She was so proud.
This has been a common sight this week. It was a crazy busy week and Natty would sneak in little naps whenever she could. There is just something about finding a little one asleep somewhere that is so sweet.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
I found it interesting today as I stood outside the school, waving goodbye to the bus that Chelsey occupied the front seat of. There was a small grouping of parents standing around. All of which had different feelings and opinions about the Grade 4 trip to Frank Slide.
She was bouncing up and down beside her good friend and neighbour with a huge grin spread across her face. But I'm her Mom. I could tell. As excited as she was, there was a hint of nervousness there too.
Some of the parents were thrilled to be kissing their kid goodbye for a night. A night off. Of peace. A morning of one less lunch to make and one less spot to stop on their way to work or wherever they need to be the next morning.
Some of the parents were sad. Nervous to see their little one go. Vocal, voicing their displeasure at the school doing overnight field trips.
I felt somewhere in the middle. One half of me was excited for her. I have such fond memories of field trips and Brownie Camp. Trips with my friends. Because our family rule is no sleep-overs, I feel like this is an acceptable way for her to experience an over-night with her friends. A day and evening packed full of structured activities until they collapse on their sleeping bags and it's lights out. But at the same time, I could see it in her eyes.
That fear.
The exact. same. fear. that was wedged between my shoulder blades, like if I took a deep breath it would leak out in the way of a sob. What if? What if she gets scared? or hurt? or has the awful feeling of being the very last one awake and just. cannot. fall. asleep?
What if..... she needs me?
I'm positive Chelsey will come home tomorrow with more stories than she'll have the breath or the energy to share. She'll have had a great time! Smelling of outside and exhaustion. She'll be cranky. She'll go to bed early. And I'll sleep better knowing she's in the room beside mine. Hearing her lengthening limbs bang against the wall as she turns over in her bed.
It'll be something that she remembers for a long time. Maybe forever.
Tonight I supervised Ty pack for his trip tomorrow. He's so excited. I'm sure he'll have a great time too.
I'll be glad when we are all home under one roof again!
She was bouncing up and down beside her good friend and neighbour with a huge grin spread across her face. But I'm her Mom. I could tell. As excited as she was, there was a hint of nervousness there too.
Some of the parents were thrilled to be kissing their kid goodbye for a night. A night off. Of peace. A morning of one less lunch to make and one less spot to stop on their way to work or wherever they need to be the next morning.
Some of the parents were sad. Nervous to see their little one go. Vocal, voicing their displeasure at the school doing overnight field trips.
I felt somewhere in the middle. One half of me was excited for her. I have such fond memories of field trips and Brownie Camp. Trips with my friends. Because our family rule is no sleep-overs, I feel like this is an acceptable way for her to experience an over-night with her friends. A day and evening packed full of structured activities until they collapse on their sleeping bags and it's lights out. But at the same time, I could see it in her eyes.
That fear.
The exact. same. fear. that was wedged between my shoulder blades, like if I took a deep breath it would leak out in the way of a sob. What if? What if she gets scared? or hurt? or has the awful feeling of being the very last one awake and just. cannot. fall. asleep?
What if..... she needs me?
I'm positive Chelsey will come home tomorrow with more stories than she'll have the breath or the energy to share. She'll have had a great time! Smelling of outside and exhaustion. She'll be cranky. She'll go to bed early. And I'll sleep better knowing she's in the room beside mine. Hearing her lengthening limbs bang against the wall as she turns over in her bed.
It'll be something that she remembers for a long time. Maybe forever.
Tonight I supervised Ty pack for his trip tomorrow. He's so excited. I'm sure he'll have a great time too.
I'll be glad when we are all home under one roof again!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Hard things
Last week I was reading in my Daughters in My Kingdom book. I was reading the part about when the members of the church were traveling by handcart from Nauvoo to the Salt Lake Valley. In the book they have included excerpts from some of the women's journals that they kept, dating throughout the year of 1856. I read about their experiences with their family members becoming ill and so many of them lost babies. They lost their husbands to the military. They had to move and raise their families in handcarts. Really, just some very tough things to live through.
I felt silly that earlier that day I had once again lamented about my linoleum that needs to be replaced. How I'd felt sorry for myself that it's been awhile since I've lain on a sandy beach. What a spoiled brat I am.
I thought about how truly blessed I am to live in this day. I'm so grateful for the modern day medicines we have, for modern day transportation and for all of the many "things" I do have that make my life easier.
A few days passed where I was ridden with this simplified sort of guilt that I've been talking advantage of living in this day and not during those days of the pioneers where trials were a part of life.
Today, after a few days of struggling with a lot of crankiness in my home I came about a whole new way of thinking. Comparing these days and those of the past I'm not too sure I am better off.
Trials still are a part of life. A big part. I'm terrified for my children to have to grow up in a world where addictions, plummeting morality, and decaying family values run rampant. Would I rather lose a child to illness or to the world? I'm not so sure...
Two other things in the book stuck out to me. Sister Eliza Partridge Lyman wrote (after her baby had passed away) " I still have friends who are dear to me. If I had not I should wish to bid this world farewell,"
I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing friends who are here for me on a daily basis and whom I would not have made or through my toughest trials without.
The book also says "in such trying circumstances, the sisters relied on the power of their covenants. "
I've been through tough things. I relied on my testimony, the power of my covenants, and my dear friends to make it through.
So while I'm not pushing a handcart or delivering a baby along side a river, I sure am moving my family through a place that is rocky and unsure. We push and pull and have untimely trials that only help us progress further. I only hope and pray my family makes it to the desired destination unscathed, without too many losses along the way.
I felt silly that earlier that day I had once again lamented about my linoleum that needs to be replaced. How I'd felt sorry for myself that it's been awhile since I've lain on a sandy beach. What a spoiled brat I am.
I thought about how truly blessed I am to live in this day. I'm so grateful for the modern day medicines we have, for modern day transportation and for all of the many "things" I do have that make my life easier.
A few days passed where I was ridden with this simplified sort of guilt that I've been talking advantage of living in this day and not during those days of the pioneers where trials were a part of life.
Today, after a few days of struggling with a lot of crankiness in my home I came about a whole new way of thinking. Comparing these days and those of the past I'm not too sure I am better off.
Trials still are a part of life. A big part. I'm terrified for my children to have to grow up in a world where addictions, plummeting morality, and decaying family values run rampant. Would I rather lose a child to illness or to the world? I'm not so sure...
Two other things in the book stuck out to me. Sister Eliza Partridge Lyman wrote (after her baby had passed away) " I still have friends who are dear to me. If I had not I should wish to bid this world farewell,"
I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing friends who are here for me on a daily basis and whom I would not have made or through my toughest trials without.
The book also says "in such trying circumstances, the sisters relied on the power of their covenants. "
I've been through tough things. I relied on my testimony, the power of my covenants, and my dear friends to make it through.
So while I'm not pushing a handcart or delivering a baby along side a river, I sure am moving my family through a place that is rocky and unsure. We push and pull and have untimely trials that only help us progress further. I only hope and pray my family makes it to the desired destination unscathed, without too many losses along the way.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
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