clean socks

I changed my socks three times yesterday, for various reasons. The first pair hit the mound of dirty laundry (that is taking over!) after I stepped in orange jello on my kitchen floor. The second pair was retired after stepping on a soggy diaper Dan was changing. The third pair came off when I got home from a birthday party and was getting ready for bed. I then put a new pair on sometime in the night when I was up with the baby and my feet were cold.

So as I was gathering socks from all around the laundry basket this morning (somehow none of them made it in the basket?) I got to thinking.... I don't even like socks. I'd much prefer bare feet. Why did I keep putting on clean socks?

Now, this may seem quite random, but don't worry... I'll pull it all together at the end of the post.

I went to a birthday party last night and didn't come home until 1 am. It felt so good to get out and visit with other moms. I didn't feel judged when I told stories of throwing Cheerios at Natty from the treadmill and wiping my kids noses on the inside of their t-shirts. It's a rejuvenation of sorts.

All night I lay awake thinking about these things... shedding a tear when Natty finished nursing, she sighs, rosy cheeked and milk-drunk. I thought about how I stepped in jello and convinced myself that I shouldn't be sad that the kitchen floor never stays clean for more that 5 minutes. One day it when the kids are old and gone, when it is clean for days I'll have to invite the grand kids over to spill some jello. And I may not be sad to kiss diapers goodbye but I will sure miss everything these baby days bring... the softness, the sweetness....

And I thought about bare feet. I thought about feeling absolutely comfortable...in bare feet... and in my attempts at motherhood. The rejuvenation from last night brought with it a fulfillment that has me brimming with love for my family, hope for myself to be a better mom, and not to worry so much about dirty floors, or mountains of laundry, or how other mom's might be doing it all. I have hope that my goals for myself and for my family can be a work in progress rather than an accomplishment and that that is okay. As long as I am giving it my all, which I am, that is the best I can do... bare feet and all.