Maybe I'm a horrible person.
Every night and every morning I tell myself I will be better. Better at getting, fixing, making, helping, teaching, and not just working, working, working. Because some days, it feels like that's all I do. All day. Work.
The day goes on, usually quickly. Too quickly for me to get all I had planned to get done - done. This leaves me feeling dissatisfied, resentful, unappreciated, just down right miserable.
Finding balance between housework and quality time with my children just seems a near impossibility these days. An "all or nothing" of one or the other and I bounce back and forth all day beating myself up for not doing the other.
My friend wrote a wonderful post about womanhood and motherhood. It's very inspiring (as is she) and I absolutely loved and agreed wholeheartedly with what she wrote! I needed fresh ideas on why I do what I do everyday.
My deep, dark secret. Sometimes I feel ripped off. There, I said it! And it was hard to admit too! Is it hard to see the result of all the hard work I feel like I do all day when I go to bed at night hoarse from yelling and laying amongst a midst of laundry (clean or dirty- who knows?!), wondering why the heck my body aches and my mind is mush from "working" all day? I'm making this sound worse than it is. I'm sure some days I accomplish something.....
The point is this; I work hard all day everyday. My kids still fight. My house is still a mess. I'm sure I'm accomplishing something but seeing the results daily is really hard.
And I'll admit; sometimes I want a little bit of appreciation! Is this so wrong of me? I am a Woman. I am a Mother. I am proud to be both. Just confused as to why both of those things leave me feeling like, well, a vacuum that needs emptied, or a marble left and forgotten under the couch, or a soggy old Cheerio stuck to the highchair tray.
Just something small. A note, flowers (heck, dandelions!) pretty much anything to say "hey, I was thinkin' about ya today and wanted you to know"
But since I am a woman, and a mother.... I'll do it myself. I'll try hard all day to make everyone else happy and loved and just hope that one day - I'll feel it too.
13 comments:
hugs to you!!!! You've nailed it on the head, i'm pretty sure we all feel like that sometimes!The other day Parker had his 7th birthday party, I was literally exhausted (recovering from the flu) I was laying on the couch when it was all over and he came over and hugged me and said "thanks for the party mom". I was so totally shocked, but it totally made the whole thing worth it. I know we rarely get any recognition for being a mom but trust me, your kids are happy and stable and one day it will hit them like a ton of bricks how much you sacrificed for them! Hug...
I have to say that your blog is one of my favorites! I feel the same way most days. It's tough being a mom. You are truly awesome. I have always thought so!
It is hard being a mom, and you do need appreciation...if your family doesn't start soon, I'll just bring you over a weekly jar of freshly picked dandelions:)
i am so glad to hear that you feel this way and that your kids and household aren't perfect! to me, you always seem to do so much and have it all together. "a mother's work is never done"... heck, i don't even make a dent in all the work that needs to be done each day.
andi, i appreciate you and think of you as a great example!
um I'm glad I'm normal then... most days i feel the same way! you are amazing strong and none of us is perfect that is for sure, and real life is just like you wrote for the majority of us I'm sure. That's why we have tomorrow right!
sometimes i want to just write a blog post saying aughhhhhhhh when i get frustrated with being a mom. i think you said it much more eloquently!
so well said!!!
So honest. So true.
I don't even know where I heard this but I chant it to myself often
the product of my parenting is ME! cuz if I expect to "produce" anything else ie clean house, even good kids (we all know great parents who's kids didn't "turn out")
I'm just gonna end up frustrated.
I hafta believe it's making me something.
I love this Orson F Whitney quote (which I "mommy"fied for our purposes
"No pain that we suffer[or spill cleaned up], no trial that we experience [sleepless night endured]is wasted. It ministers to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer [screaming kids, ungrateful families, just long, hard, seemingly non-productive days] and all that we endure[as hard-working moms], especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God... and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here [to motherhood]to acquire"
PS I think your amazing. your on my list of "moms to watch and be like!"
PPS this comment may develop into a blog post of my own (linking to yours? that was me asking permission)
PPS I love how your blog titles are all just one word...very effective (Coming up with title is hard for me)
I totally get this. :S In fact, I'm hiding in my basement while Makenna watches Mason and the little girl we're watching today... Great, eh? Thanks for helping us all to feel like we're on the same team.
You're doing a great job! I loved reading your posts... Being a mom IS the HARDEST job ever, and the MOST REWARDING too. (Just seems like the rewards aren't as frequent!!) Enjoy your cute family ;) If we make it to the top.... I hope there won't be any dishes!
wow - can i relate. it seems like i have been feeling like this for the last few months. nice to know i am not the only one:) you are a great woman and mother! sharing a duplex and reading your blog posts prove that! i think that looking at our kids, knowing that they are happy and loved helps me to feel Heavenly Father's appreciation - and that helps me feel better! atleast He always notices our sacrifices as wives and mothers....even if our families don't very often!
Andy you are amazing!! Being a mom is so stinkin hard and no one has perfected it yet or ever will!! I think all us moms feel the same way.
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