The End.

I've neglected this here blog. Badly. The crazy thing is I think about it all the time. I'm forever "writing" posts in my head. But never get around to actually posting them. Some days it's due to laziness, most it's due to not having/making the time to do it. But most often it because I don'f feel right about a public post. The posts are about my children and the tough choices they are making each day. Starting middle school has been a whole new world around here and it takes a majority of my energy not to make myself crazy stressing about what it really is that my big kids are thinking, saying, doing and who they are being when I'm not around. They are about my son being asked out by over-zealous girls and my daughter crying herself to sleep at night because of the things her "friends" say about her... to her. They are about my deep, dark feelings of being a failure at everything I try and being ever so, so grateful that there is always a tomorrow to try again, harder and be better. They are about how my baby is four and going to Kindergarten (!) next year and I cannot decide if I'm excited for half a day to myself or terrified to be alone because I'm not sure who I am without kids around. Will I keep myself busy with the usual "around-the-house-stuff" that needs done, will I get back into bed and read my book, or will I stay at the school all day and be "one of those moms who never goes home?" . I know what I want to do..... These posts are about how I struggle and sometimes achieve in myself and in my children the results that I work so hard to see. They are about seeing the growth in my children, my marriage, my children, my life that I want to see but it just never seeming good enough. They include little snippets of things that I learn from my friends, my scriptures, Sunday School. Things that get me through and give me the courage and faith that I need to get through another day. And that provide the joy and happiness that I feel on a daily basis because of how blessed I am in this life. How many many things I have been given to provide me with yes, challenges, but also so much joy that I can hardly comprehend it all.

I guess they are about what I've always blogged about. It just seems that as my kids get older I hesitate to share all of our experiences on the blog. Stories and lessons I'd like to share involve them and I feel it's not my place to post those "on the line" (MamaMia).

I'm going old-school. With paper and pen will I now record. Maybe I'll blog again one day but for now I want to preserve our (and my) stories, heartaches, and lessons learned in a book that will close when I'm done writing.

Most of all I'm sure this new chapter, this new book will contain joy. Because within all of those stories, trials, lessons learned, and yep, even heartaches... will be joy.

Because that's why we're here. To feel joy.

And I want to keep a record of it.